Diving on Defense

He lives in you

2010-01-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

Tracy's Christmas present this year: tickets to the Lion King. Well over what we agreed to spend on each other, but it was for both of us, and she's been wanting to see it for years. We were pretty far away, but close enough to be blown away by what we saw. I teared up just moments after it began, when we saw this:

The power of the voice of the actress playing Rifiki, belting out the African lyrics, and the creativity that conceived the accordion-like rising sun in front of people who, though visible if you look for them, in the context of the play completely disappear into the animals they represent... was moving, to say the least. I love movies more than almost everyone I know, but the creativity and immediacy of plays unfolding before your eyes is an experience that forces you to live inside the story you are being told. The best movies can do the same, but film-makers have the luxury of multiple takes, absurd budgets, and CGI. Plays, I was reminded last night, pull back the curtain to reveal the pinnacle of human creativity, through the gifts of performance and visual art blended into a cohesive piece- a story that speaks to The Story.

We want to watch the movie again now after seeing the play, mainly to satisfy our curiosity- does the story in the movie speak so directly to The Story, as it does in the play?

The two most significant ways that I noticed this last night:

1) Hakuna Matata. Maybe the movie presents the dichotomy in the same way (I last saw the movie in probably 1996, so it's a little fuzzy), but the play explicitly offers a critique of the 'no worries' philosophy that is so light-heartedly espoused in Timon and Pumbaa's beloved song. Simba, upon reuniting with Nala, is confronted with a choice: live a life aimed toward fun, ease, and freedom from care, or live a life of significance, difficulty, and meaning by remembering who you are and living into that call... which brings me to:

2) Remember who you are/He lives in you. These are somewhat separate ideas that speak to the same truth, and they are dominant themes in the play. The latter is a song that apparently was in a (straight to video) sequel to The Lion King movie, and it is powerfully used in both acts of the play to speak to Mufasa's spirit living in Simba (and all the animals)... with the spirituality of the music and so much of the message of the movie, it is not hard to imagine that the intent behind the lyrics is to provoke the audience to think of One who lives in us.

All in all, an amazing experience.

And yet, there is nothing that ruins a perfectly great evening out downtown quite like being approached by a homeless guy asking for money.

Not really. I've heard that line in that context too often for it to infuriate me anymore- now it just makes me sad.
We met a man named Albert who asked us to pray for him (when he resigned to the fact that we weren't going to give him money).
God, thank you for allowing us to meet Albert and the the high-schoolers who needed a car-jump- perfectly orchestrated reminders that you live in us and that you intend lives not free of care but full of meaning. Help us to remember who we are. Bless your child Albert.

brotherly holiday activities

2010-01-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

For the Hog Hunt

Let them stand still for the bullet, and stare the shooter in the eye,
let them die while the sound of the shot is in the air, let them die as they fall,
let the jugular blood spring hot to the knife, let its freshet be full,
let this day begin again the change of hogs into people, not the other way around,
for today we celebrate again our lives' wedding with the world,
for by our hunger, by this provisioning, we renew the bond.

-Wendell Berry

renewed blogging

2010-01-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

This isn't a resolution, just something I feel like doing on a whim: I'm about to unleash a fury of blogging activity. A post a day for the next week. I just feel like I have it in me.

Best of the decade list, hunting pictures from this past week, Lion King highlights, seminary class thoughts, and other things, all coming up...

YOU GUYS WANT TO KILL SOME NAZIS!? LET'S BRING IT! *

2009-08-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

It was the right decision. A damper has been placed over my movie-watching experience enough times to know that I should make sure Tracy knows what she is getting into before we start a movie together. While I would love for her to rejoice in the finer pleasures of Scorsese, or Michael Mann, or Westerns... it just isn't going to happen, and I am learning to understand that.

And that is why I insisted that we watch the trailer for Inglourious Basterds before going to see it- together. Because even though Tracy proudly claims Kill Bill (both volumes) as her favorite movie(s), and even though she enjoyed Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown, something about the early teaser I saw suggested more of a Reservoir Dogs feel (which I like and Tracy doesn't).

So we watched the trailer, and, as I expected, any desire Tracy had to see the movie was erased by the prospect of seeing someone beaten with a bat (among other things).

It was the right decision. Tracy would not have loved the 80% of the movie that I loved, and would have loathed the 10% of the movie I felt conflicted about. (I felt ambivalent about the other 10%).

I've been thinking about the movie a good part of the last couple days, and I am not done thinking. I may even try to see it again on the big screen. But this review comes the closest to capturing what I have been coming to terms with regarding my feelings toward the movie and toward Tarantino as a director...

http://www.newsweek.com/id/212016

a couple additional conclusions:

-what I love about movies are surely many of the things that Tarantino loves about movies. how else could he keep me grinning for hours at a time? the writing, the camera shots, the score, the situations, the tension, the humor, the acting (Christoph Waltz is absurdly good, and Brad Pitt's character, though serving primarily as comic relief, worked for me in exactly that way)... Tarantino knows how to entertain an audience in a way that is only matched by P.T. Anderson and the Coen brothers, in my opinion

-Tarantino, smart man that he is, finally found a way to make the most exceptional, violent piece of work that he has always dreamed of making, and to pull it off in the only way that could possibly avoid the outrage that a normal person would otherwise feel toward some of his scenes: the victims of all his hyped-up, fantasy violence are... Nazis.

But, as Dan Carlson, my favorite reviewer at my favorite review site (Pajiba.com) put it, Tarantino is demonstrating
"increasing callousness with human life: At times he wants us to laugh or jump at an exploding head, and at others to be shocked at the brutal killing of an innocent. Worst is when these two get somehow combined, as when a major character is gunned down to a horribly overdone music cue that’s more about Tarantino’s desire to remanufacture the schlock of his youth than anything else. He’s smarter than this, and he can’t go on like he is forever. Even run-of-the-mill action movies, killing a good guy or a bad one, move the viewer toward a realistic emotional response (sorrow or relief, typically). But Tarantino aims for ironic distance. He’s aging backward, more and more content to lure audiences in and then just keep repackaging stuff that was old the first time he repackaged it."

That ironic distance that Tarantino aims for will leave audiences cold. Well, maybe not, because, you see, 'these people deserve to be scalped, deserve to have Swastikas carved into their heads, deserve to have their heads beaten in with bats, and deserve to be led into a theater where they are trapped and lit on fire (get it!? sorta like what they did to the Jews! isn't that great!?)'

May we reject this wisdom of the world, this myth of redemptive violence, this revisionist fantasy justice, and may we embrace the foolishness of the slaughtered lamb, the foolishness of the suffering servant, the foolishness of grace, forgiveness and enemy-love.

* actual quote from Tarantino, yelled at his audience to stir them up before a screening in LA

Happy Birthday Wendell Berry

2009-08-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

Today Wendell Berry is 75. For the past five years, he has influenced me more than any writer ever has.

Here is just one example of why:

"Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friend, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers...

Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection."

After helping Tracy start moving into her new classroom this morning, we took Josiah to a local brewery to meet up with my great friend Lonnie to talk relationships and community, drink and eat good beer and food, and read some Berry poems and essays. It felt like the right way to honor the prophet on his 75th. Tracy is with some of my youth group girls at a Taize service while I am home with Si, pondering things that won't compute and scheming ways to practice resurrection as I bathe, read to, and pray over this little miracle...

May his life be even more influenced by yours, Wendell, than mine has...

Homeowners!

2009-03-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

Officially. Finally.

Here she is:

We love it. It's a 2-2 "bungalow" with big rooms, high ceilings, nice front and back yards, and a back deck.

We love the neighborhood. Reminds us a little of West Central in Spokane- mixed (racially, socio-economically, etc.), friendly, lots of character and lots of community. Our neighbors include a super friendly 60ish woman, a couple about our age who are both medical interns, a house of 4 or 5 people who are deaf, and a quadroplex that houses some folks who seem to have seen better days.

We are so excited to move in and start getting to know everyone.

We are knocking out part of a wall for a door in the baby room, painting a couple rooms, entertaining some out of town guests (two of Tracy's best friends from high school), and I am going to Houston for class... all over the next week. I hope our son can hold off at least that long...

too busy to pray?

2009-02-06T07:35:00.000-08:00

i know i've been a sad excuse for a 'blogger.' but there is a reason. nope. reasonS. like:

-looking for a house sucks. made offers on two (one we were in an option period on) that fell through. we are far in the process on a third, and it is looking like it is going to happen. i'll blog soon maybe to tell the epic saga of the ones that didn't happen and definitely to give the news that the current one is officially ours (when that hopefully happens in a couple weeks).

-my job is supposed to be part time. nobody is forcing me to work more than part time, but let's be honest- a part time ministry job leaves you feeling like you should be doing more. and so i do. almost every night i lie awake thinking about the youth and what i can do to help them know Jesus. relationships with most of them jumped to a new level after two weekend retreats. but i'm still always thinking about how much more i want to do- i want to plan incredible talks and make flawlessly entertaining videos and plan mind-blowingly fun games... and i want to hang out with the youth outside of our bi-weekly events. and none of those things happen.

-i have read (and need to read) more these first few months of seminary than i ever did during a full year of college. its ridiculous. i'm currently taking two classes (over the course of 2.5 months), and I have 5 (big) books for one class and 7 books for the other. 2.5 months. do the math. i'm a slow reader. sheesh. at least i like what I have been reading. henri nouwen (who for some reason i always neglected) has been rocking my world. every page i read seems to be personally calling me out to slow down and pray more... which is hard given all that is going on... but that is exactly his point

-we're less than two months away from having a baby. what!? i guess i should start thinking about that. went to a cloth diapering class last night and started birthing class on monday night. doctor every two weeks (about to change to every week). we will probably have a month to paint, knock out a wall, move all our stuff in, and turn a room into a nursery by the time we get this house (hopefully). i am more excited than ever to be a dad, and for tracy and i to be parents together... but its close enough now (and i'm actually starting to think about it enough now) that i am getting a little freaked out. (tracy, by the way, has been doing great- dealing with everything (pain, emotions, living with in-laws, 2 house disappointments, a tough group of kids at school, some tough non-kid related work situations, etc.) extremely well... but she still has to deal with all those things... so for both of us, your prayers are coveted.)

so, that's why we haven't been blogging. but stay tuned. we'll post pictures of the house as soon as we can, and of course, we'll keep everyone up to date on baby Germ!

It's a boy!

2008-11-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

We saw our son today, via sonogram. Pretty amazing. When our doctor found a front view of his head, (I guess that would be his face), he nodded- an up motion nod (as if to say, "What's up, Mom and Dad").

Also, for anyone who checks this (I know I don't give much reason to with the infrequency of the posts) and doesn't know, the other big change for me these days is that I recently started a new job as the Youth Director at Northwood Presbyterian Church here in San Antonio. The youth group is fairly small (15ish) and is a pretty stellar group, if I do say so myself (and since I have led one event, I am not taking credit).

Here's to the prospect of our son's first eight years lived in an Obama-led USofA.

Change You Can Believe In...

2008-09-26T16:53:00.000-07:00

... that has nothing to do with the next President, and everything to do with my life.

1. I now work at a bakery. It is incredible. Check it: http://broadwaydailybread.net/

2. I am now a graduate student. Here: http://www.fuller.edu/campuses-online/texas.aspx

3. We are moving in with my parents this weekend. Yep.

4. These changes, in part, were all brought about and provoked by an even more significant change...

Johnny Cash

2008-09-22T19:37:00.001-07:00

I've been absorbing all things Cash that I can for the past week. My prior exposure to him was extremely limited- so I am trying to remedy that lack of awareness. And so far... I'm blown away.

From his singular focus on giving the inmates at Folsom Prison a great time on his live album there to his broken record-like (always sweet, never false or annoying) praise for and fawning over June Carter. From the wrenching emotionality he brings and forces upon you in the video for his version of Hurt to the

simplicity, power, and depth in his voice, lyrics, and playing on the Unearthed albums... the man is amazing.

A couple lines that grabbed me from his notes from the Unearthed Box Set:

-"I guess I might be a C-minus Christian, but I am one." (one of the truest, most basic, and most profound acknowledgments that can be made, I think).

-On coming out of 'the wilderness' and kicking his 'demons'- "I denied them for so long that they don't come back anymore. I had to finally accept it, you know, that God thought there was something worth saving, so who was I to say, 'You're wrong'? I had to accept it and go along with it, and so that's what I did."

-"God has told me, 'Go easier on yourself,' and I answer him, 'Yes, Lord,' but then I mess up.

-the entire song "No Earthly Good" ("You're so heavenly minded you're no earthly good")

As Tracy and I were driving down our street today listening to Folsom Prison Blues, I caught myself following another car a little too closely. Our nearness did allow me to read two of the very few bumper stickers I would proudly display: a "Mark it eight, Dude" Lebowski sticker, and "God Bless Johnny Cash."

Indeed.

burn after reading...

2008-09-14T11:27:00.001-07:00

...is good. the coens can almost* do no wrong in my book. love 'em. watching their movies brings out the extreme movie-lover/geek in me, as evidenced by this list that I just felt the overwhelming need to create:

most enjoyable/favorite coen brothers movies (1= unable to make it through; 10= could not enjoy more):

Blood Simple- 8

Raising Arizona- 9

Miller's Crossing- 10

Barton Fink- 9

Hudsucker Proxy- 7

Fargo- 9

The Big Lebowski- 10

O Brother...- 8

The Man Who...- 8

Intolerable Cruelty- 4*

The Ladykillers- 2*

No Country...- 10

Burn After Reading- 7

maybe someday I'll be compelled to write about why I love their movies so much

on going to Bible study in the burbs

2008-09-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

I went to a Bible study last night. It was a group of young adults, mostly from the church we are becoming more comfortable considering our 'church home.' Tracy had a PTA meeting so could not come.

I think the last time I went to a Bible study was two years ago. I was part of a great group of Whitworth grads that met for a couple years. That group was small, all guys, and all people who I loved and knew well.

This group was large, co-ed, and I didn't know most... so I didn't know what to expect.

It was different, but good. People were coming from so many places, so many view points. It was a little shocking to me (though maybe it shouldn't have been) how fresh and new some of the ideas that have been so much a part of my life and faith over the past years were to so many people. (for example, that as Christians we should probably get to know our neighbors seemed odd, or novel, or brilliant to some). And it was also so moving and encouraging and uplifting to be around Christians who are further from cynicism than any form of faith that I have experienced (and felt, and lived) for a while.

I couldn't decide if I felt like I was back in a high school Bible study or finally experiencing a mature, adult Bible study. I'm still not sure. But I am sure that it was good.

Tracy has been expressing a love for the breadth of people present in authentic Christian communities lately. An appreciation for such groups particularly struck her when we were visiting my brother's church in VA, a church that, to put it mildly, is full of characters- strange, unique, and lovable characters. That, she has been saying, is what the Church looks like, and what the church SHOULD look like.

Though most last night looked pretty similar and probably had (relatively) similar backgrounds, the breadth of experiences, ideas, and views made me thankful for God's inclusivity (is that a word?) and his creativity.

Excessive waste: our generation's open racism?

2008-08-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

There are things that folks in previous generations did that are so clearly wrong, short-sighted, ignorant, etc. I'm thinking about racism/segregation, Vietnam, poor (unsustainable) urban planning (suburbs linked to cities only by cars), etc.

Sometimes I wonder, 50 years from now, about what will the following generations shake their heads in disbelief regarding our actions? What questions will my grandchildren want to ask me in the category of "What were you thinking?"

And sometimes one of the anticipated questions (among what will surely be many) seems very clear. "How could you have thought it was a good idea, or even just acceptable, to throw things away that can be reused, and to continue making things that will be thrown away rather than reused?"

As usual, Wendell Berry has some valuable insight:

"A Man's life is always dealing with permanence- the most dangerous kind of irresponsibility is to think of your doings as temporary... What you do on the earth, the earth makes permanent."

That is from his novel, A Place on Earth, and it is taken from a talk an older farmer is giving to his novice farmer son. The son made a poor farming decision, and much of his (small, family owned) land was destroyed as a result.

The destruction of which we are now taking a part is on a much grander scale and is just as permanent.

Home

2008-08-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

After 3 weeks away, Tracy and I arrived in San Antonio at 11:45pm last night (and today is her first day back at work). Highlights:

-lots of time with Tracy's family

-wrestling and playing handball, baseball, football, and frisbee with our nephew Cody

-laughing with (and at) and loving our nephew Tanner

-underground tour and Pike Place with Richelle and Ben

-game night with Klevjers and Betheas*

-falling in love with Seattle again

-dinner with dear friends Brian and Amber and their great neighbors

-hiking with Cale, Robbie, Bucket, and Todd Barnes

-other good times with those and others (including Ms game, hot tub, canoeing)

-bbq at wakefields'

-tracy's dear friend jackie's wedding (including Tracy singing, a gospel choir, and a great reception)

-meeting our new nephew Isaiah!

-lots of great meals and conversation with Kevin and Libby

-lots of much needed down-time

-lots of time staring and laughing at and holding Isaiah

-meeting Kevin and Libby's wonderful friends

-my brother's first wedding (officiating), including the best message on marriage possible

-and some other things...

it was a full, joyful, challenging, thought-provoking few weeks

among many other things, it made us crave more community here in San Antonio, badly...

Means and Ends

2008-07-19T07:37:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about a job opportunity. And on the surface it is appealing. It is, in some ways, similar to something I've done before, or, as one friend put it, "That seems to be right up your alley." It would pay better than any job I've had (which says very little). It would mean having some form of influence over a great number of people to whom I often feel called. It could mean the perceived ability to buy a house, to have kids, and to live in a way that seems much more normal and acceptable.

And yet.

It would mean taking some steps back from the place I want to be headed. It would mean not being able to bike or bus rather than drive. It would mean working for income more hours than I want to be working for income. It would mean not having as much time to learn how to do things that I want to learn how to do.

It would mean not living in the ways that I think are the right ways to live.

And here is the amazing, fun, delicate, mysterious, and perfect part of all of this: it isn't my decision alone. Tracy and I are having Big Idea talks, and they are energizing both of us. When we were discussing this yesterday, I was wrestling with the idea of calling, and I was wondering if my desire to live "in the right way," to live a life of integrity, is selfish in its apparent focus inward. Frederick Buechner says, "Vocation is the place where your deep gladness meets the world's deep needs." Am I too concerned with my gladness and not concerned enough with the world's deep needs?

I am beginning to believe, or rather, learning to believe again, that the world has a deeper need for people living their convictions than its need for people justifying them away in order to achieve some grand good. I believe that the ends don't justify the means. I believe that Jesus lived small in a big way.

And I am trying to accept the courage to live in accordance with these beliefs.

Title

2008-07-19T07:24:00.001-07:00

Just a hint. Clarification to come...

Jesus for President

2008-07-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

Tracy and I recently read this book by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw. We are thrilled, provoked, saddened, appalled, thankful, contemplative, trembling, and taking action.

Read it, and be those things. I implore you, I beseech you, I entreat you. Please?

And then let's talk about it. If you want.